Ugh I'm so sorry to hear of what you're going through with her acting the way she is!!! I can relate to an amazing degree. I had an emotional affair, followed by a separation, we got back together and I was honest about a physical interaction that had occurred during our separation. And for some reason, even though I hadn't wanted to be with him and knew we were incompatible, I was just blinded by this obsession with making it work, even tho he was incredibly cruel, name calling ,threats, blackmail, a couple of minor but still physical incidents. I felt I was all to blame and had to make things right. Luckily there are no kids involved in my situation, I can't even begin to imagine how tough that aspect is for you. I've come a long way with accepting that he had more than an equal share in the problems with our marriage. Yes, I stepped out emotionally and destroyed the trust, but he contributed to the root of the problems. We all have our issues and demons, but I have complete faith you will get through this (with the love of your children in tact). Hang in there!