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In grad school I was a part of a friends’ group. I was in a serious relationship with one of the guys of the group. Everybody in the group knew about it. After sometime, we broke up.
Now I am in a loving relationship with a guy from our friends’ group. We love and care for each other. He never asked me if I was physically involved with my ex. I too did not tell him for good. After getting to know each other, I realized that he believes in a very transparent relationship. He told me about a fling he had once. So, one day I confessed to him about it and said that I kissed and hugged my ex. I could not tell the complete truth. He was perturbed that I hid this from him but soon he was ok with it and was very happy that I confessed and strengthened his trust in me.
I knew I did not tell the whole thing and felt very guilty about it. So again just about two weeks back I told him that I had been to my ex’s place a couple of times and although we never had sex, we did have foreplay. I said I did not tell him this since I regret what I did and felt ashamed. I knew it would complicate things and he might leave. This hurt my boyfriend and he is very upset with me. None of us is friends with my ex it has been two years. The first reason he is upset is that I lied to him about this in the first place. Had he known this before he would not have gone ahead with me. He has lost his trust in me and his self-confidence. Second reason is that my ex was his friend once and so whenever my boyfriend thinks of getting intimate with me the thoughts of me with my ex haunt him and he feels awful.
We love and care for each other, had planned to get married before I confessed to him, still share a great bond and are willing to continue with the relationship, get married and do great. My boyfriend respects my feelings, never forces me to have sex. He agrees that whatever I did, I did because at that time I loved my ex. However, he feels that whenever he used to get cozy with me and do things he used to feel great that he is the FIRST one with whom I am experiencing those feelings. He is afraid that this might affect our married life too since he and I will have to face this every day. There are some other problems too like finances, my parents’ acceptance that will be needed once we tell them about our relationship, our age factor since am one year older to him and now this confession. He feels defeated. Please tell us how we can resolve this.
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