I always feel like I have to hurry up and wait while nothing improves. Every day I wake up miserable, sobbing, the works. Being unable to hold a job or function is bad enough. I'm bored and feel useless and pathetic. And having only one friend left out of my once large support group makes it so much worse. They are all out there, able to get over things, push through and do things and actually go to class or go to work.

Then there's me. I have to sit here and wait. Wait for meds to work, then wait as I'm taken off them because they did not help, then wait to see if yet another new med will do anything. I wait weeks and months to see therapists and doctors or to even talk to someone to help me with insurance. I wait to see if I can be stable enough to do real things instead of just sob and when I fall back into a down I have to wait more. Even when I have a good week I have to wait because I know just the next day I will be a mess again and I have to wait for it to pass.

This is all I have done now for years. Just wait and see what happens while I'm passed around to different doctors and groups and meds. Is anyone else feeling this?

I can't even plan things or go out and distract myself. Like oh Let's plan a day of shopping or visit museums or go to a con. Nope. My up and downs are so violent and random that any plans I have will be ruined and I will be out of money with nothing to show for it. I sadly learned this the hard way many times.

It's like you're stuck in some terrible limbo. When other people are going through a bad time, like say their sig other broke up with them and their car broke. That sucks. But they can easily just focus on other things. They have their job or their classes, they can go out and volunteer or hang with friends. I can't do any of that. I just sit and wait and suffer the entire time for months.

But I have none of that. I have ONE friend left because my mood swings have caused all the rest to either treat me badly or cut off contact completely. This person literally lives on the other side of the planet. I can't just go visit.

TL;DR Version: My mental issues prevent me from doing near anything. I just have to sit and wait for treatment to kick in and after years of this I'm hopeless, bored and extremely lonely and do not see this changing in the future.