My depression has taken a toll. I think the voices in my head are gone for the most part but I"m mostly paranoid now and don't trust anybody. Somebody in my dorm i knew from before and told some people my drama from before. I also think people are always talking about me and I learned it was correct. I can't tell if this stems from me being bullying and stalked but one time when I was walking this man in a van late at night was breaking his neck looking at me calling me adorable and stuff. I'm good like 80% of the time but the rest of the time I'm paranoid and think people are going through my online emails and stuff since someone had actually found a old forum account of mine and told people about it.I then realized that hang out with people or listening to music stops me from overthinking like when I'm by myself I see some people I knew from highschool but nothing big I don't even really see them that much. I just feel really depressed. One other feeling I've wanted for the longest is the feeling of being loved or having someone other then family that cared about me like a girlfriend. I've never been in a relationship even though I always have lots of oppurtunities . It's like I'm just totally akward with talking to people i find attractive. i don't know how to start a conversation or something. I used to talk to my mom alot late at night for a hour or so or whatever so I guess this helped me out alot but i've always wanted to experience a romantic relationship with someone else. Theres like 2-3 girls that caught my eye but i'm so depressed I don't think I'll do anything. But I also feel like i'm just making a excuse. I'm not a needy person and like my space alot but there are parts of the day I'd rather not hang out by myself or with some friends i made. I can't function during the day without wanting to cry or feeling paranoid. I tried calling some psychiatrist but they always call back when i'm busy.and I always call when they're busy