Hello kcj and welcome to the forums here.

You know what to do so I am going to confirm what you already know... you do need to get help, it is only going to get worse if you don't. I know it is scary but really the most difficult part is realizing that you need the help and admitting that you need it, and you have already taken that step.

If payment is an issue try to find a clinic in your area, some can offer treatment for free or on a sliding scale based on what you can afford. Check the mental health department of your local hospital for help setting you up somewhere or ask your doctor for advice. Also ask the doc for samples of the meds he prescribes, he can give these to you for free, the docs get them from the medical companies and that's what they are for.

Don't let money be a reason not to seek treatment. If you had a broken leg you wouldn't bandage it yourself because you can't afford the ER.

It is very brave to come here for help and also that you chose not to hurt yourself last night... whatever the reason it shows that you have the strength and the willpower to prevent it and have the strength to seek the help that you know you need.

Writing was also a very good thing to do to help make things more clear to you.

Good luck and post here as much as you want. There are a lot of very supportive people here.

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