I asked my therapist about this today. The example he gave me clarifies this a lot for me. He was talking about people who self-injure. He said in his experience, people who SI may or may not be bipolar, but they definitely have BPD.
While bipolar mania might allow extreme behavior that might even be psychotic, that is, the controls over behavior that is out of line are missing or suppressed, BPD causes extreme and probably psychotic behavior.
The missing the train example works. I'm bipolar, so I might fly into a rage because I missed the train, but there is nothing pushing me to express that rage in an extreme way. If I'm depressed, I might just sit down and cry. If I'm manic, I might throw things and shout. However, in either case, it's a reaction based on where I am in my mood cycle. If I have BPD, I have no choice but to express my reaction in an extreme or psychotic way, no matter what my mood might be. I might do all of the above in no particular order. I'll scream, rage, cry, stomp my feet, and throw things. My BPD will drive me to do these things.
I get it now.
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