I have been receiving treatment for my issues for over 20 years.
Social workers, doctors, therapists, support groups, the works.

And ever year I get worse and worse. I have been told to "keep trying" and "hold on" and "I believe in you" for so long I do not see merit in them any more. They hurt when people say them.

Everyone tells me I need to keep at it and try more treatments and meds. There are new ones, better ones, it's always changing! Keep at it! Every time I do it never works or I am abused by the facility. I cannot even count the number I've times I was told that I am the cause of my illness because I don't want to be well hard enough.

So I've came up with personal coping techs. I used to drink all the time which allowed me to get alot of work done and be happy. But I stopped that because drinking is bad.

Every single one of my coping techs have been slammed as bad and I am told to stop, cold turkey, by professionals. These include the eating, forcing myself not to sleep (I'm stable when really sleepy) and refusing to go into a mental ward because I've been abused horribly in several.

It is very hard for me to see the light. In fact, I have not for over a year. The only reason I am still here is because people tell me it gets better. It's been decades with no results, only a steady decline as med side effects and abuse break me more.

But ok. I guess I will eat more.