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Aug 28, 2013, 06:48 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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I have episodes 1-2 times a year (though they usually last 4-8 weeks, then the often difficult and extended time of lowering my meds again + a kind of hangover of confusion which is hard to explain) --when it happens, it turns my life completely upside down, and there's the aftermath --but I do spend, on the whole, most of my time in remission as well.
Yes, I think this form of bipolar disorder is underrepresented here, don't know why. Though I think in any forum, like attracts like, so if people see others with similar experiences they will feel more comfortable in a forum where others have similar experiences, etc. I've looked at another bipolar forum (not PC) and it is very different from here. This is a very supportive group -I hope you feel welcome! 
I'm in therapy once a week and it's very very important for me. I have other issues (anxiety, PTSD...life) and therapy has been very helpful. Episodes will happen, as much as I try to prevent them. When I'm in remission, I'm 'me' and me is not perfect -I have a lot to work on, I want a better life, I want to understand myself better. Hopefully, also, the stronger I am in other areas of my life, the better I will able to weather the storms of episodes. Maybe not the episodes themselves, but the aftermath, the recovery, coping with the havoc that has just been wreaked on my life.
When in remission, especially when I'm coming out of an episode, I talk in therapy about the experience of it, how it makes me feel about myself -it helps me to bounce back, because I tend to get really down on myself afterwards, and get pessimistic about my future.
My therapist also helps me see when an episode is coming (when I don't) encourages me to increase medication as early as possible, and rides the wave with me. It's frustrating, because in many ways therapy-as-usual is put on hold during these times, but it's hugely helpful to have him in my corner, to be able to talk to someone who understands to some degree, and 'gets' me, and that 'I' am not those episodes.
When in remission, I've tried to taper down the Seroquel three times, and none worked out, at all. With the side effects, as you probably know with these meds, it's hard to stay on them when you're feeling well. But, for now, I've given up on trying (I hope to try again some time in the future); I remind myself of what happens when I go into an episode, and if the meds helps to prevent them, I'll take them.
I get feeling 'disconnected' with it. It's hard for me to put myself in the place I get when I'm sick. My memories of some of it are hazy, and I feel taken over by something, someone else, it's like it's not 'me.' It's very hard to make sense of, and I do feel pretty alone with it much of the time. But the disconnection, on the whole, is a good thing for me. When I'm in remission, I'm 'me', and I'm 'me' most of the time. I guess I'd say, take advantage of these times, appreciate it, work on things you need to work on (in therapy, in your relationships, etc.) enjoy what you can enjoy -live your life and try not to worry about the next time around.
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