The manias and the highs I have experienced over the years have always had a spiritual dimension to them. Enough so that I began to realize that there is " a whole lot more to this place than meets the eyes" It caused me to seach out and to seek the deeper meanings of this life. A big part of that evolved into my belief in God. I have as of late been going through a most difficult depression - the worst in many years. The thing I noticed most was that God seemed less real to me - I couldn't feel him nor find him. I was separted and alone. The thoughts of death and non-existance seem more realistic then those of warmth and love...