Are you currently, in counseling, to get to the root of why, after you become intimate with a person, it's like a switch goes off and you find them, too clingy, needy, and instead of confronting them, it comes across from your writing, you begin to avoid?

Not sure, if that's about love, or intimacy.

You mention, that you want a companion, aren't sure if anyone is going to be good enough?

Relationships are about give and take. Maybe, avoid the sleeping with a person, until you are certain?

Not sure, just trying to offer my own perspective.