JFB,

I know that transference can be really uncomfortable, for everyone involved, but it really is a key part of what therapy is about. Transference is all the stuff that you bring into the relationship from your other relationships and experiences. We don't only do that in therapy, BTW, but with everyone we meet. You could relate to your boss at work like you related to a parent or teacher or someone who was important in your life in the past. Because therapy is intense, transference gets more intense than elsewhere, and can be more obvious. But that is the very stuff that we go to therapy for, so it's not a bad thing that it happens.

Rather than try to avoid experiencing transference, you can manage it by talking to your therapist about those feelings and where they are coming from and what they really mean. Then your therapist can do his or her job, and help you to sort through the transference and learn and practice more effective ways of relating to people. If your therapist is uncomfortable with your transference, then the therapist needs to identify specifically what it is about the way they react to you that is uncomfortable. That is exactly where the keys to helping you lie.

TC,
Rap