Hi Randy,

Stress can be a big trigger for us. Good stress, bad stress, doesn't seem to matter. Anything that tips the proverbial apple cart.

Have you told your doctor about the voices? From an earlier post of yours it's not very clear whether or not these are actual voices (either inside or outside your head) or "feelings". You're on a healthy dose of Geodon, but breakthrough hallucinations are certainly possible.

As for the heightened emotions, it could simply be that you're finally able to release it all. I know sometimes my depression can leave me feeling numb and once it begins to lift, the floodgates open and I cry for days. Have you had a Depakote level done lately? It would be helpful to make sure you're at a therapeutic dosage. I would not come off the meds, not without talking to your doc about it.

As for the memory issues, I'm having problems there too. It could be due to age, medication, or just the normal progression of the bipolar. Depression can also wreak havoc on our memories and cognitive functioning. Let your doctor know about this. You can try mentally stimulating activities to improve brain function - things like crossword puzzles. math puzzles, brain teasers, etc. though I know some days it can be a challenge to get through things like that.

As for questioning your diagnosis, I think it's healthy to question things. There used to be a time when a diagnosis of bipolar disorder could not be made if the only mania present was induced by an antidepressant or other substance. That has changed with the new guidelines that the doctors now use (the DSM-5). Now they include a diagnosis of Substance-Induced Bipolar Disorder, so even if your mania was precipitated by an antidepressant, you can still be diagnosed with bipolar. Talk to your doctor about your doubts. And remember that no two people experience their bipolar in the exact same way. Just because your symptoms may be very different from others' stories that you read here, does not invalidate the presence of your illness. If your mania/hypomania was mostly anger and irritation, for example, it may have been more easily missed as mania and just called excessive anger. That was the case with my husband. He's not generally an angry person, but every spring he would just change. He'd become angry, agitated, and abusive. He also suffers from depression and we finally put two and two together and had him evaluated for bipolar. Once we realized it was a seasonal shift, it made it more clear.

I hope you continue to come out of the depression and start to really feel better soon.