Is it bad for me to want meds that do not come with bad side effects?
I'm sure I could be made 'stable' and 'functioning' with some powerful meds. It's happened before: I was on a potent mixture and basically I was a zombie with no emotion, personalty or drive. I just was there, slowly getting fat and working a job where I was the local robot doing easy, menial tasks over and over. I couldn't even enjoy simple hobbies like reading, playing video games or even talking to friends. Everything was dull.

Technically, I was cured. No more mood swings, no severe depression, no self loathing or any of that. But I wasn't me at all. I wasn't even a full person, just some drugged slave.

I do not want this. And I get the impression from doctors and therapists that I am silly and closed minded for not wanting this. After all, the meds ARE helping, but to me it's replacing one bad issue with another bad issue.