So sorry you are feeling this way...I have been where you are. In fact, have you been peeking into the windows of my brain? Hope that you are feeling better soon. Can you try something? You wrote all the negative stuff. Can you write some positive things about yourself. The more negative we think the more negative we think. Can you break that cycle with some positive affirmations? I write them on post it notes and have them in various places where I can see them during the day. It helps me.