Hey.

I'm not sure whether this is better placed in the dissociative disorders section or the general therapy section.

I've just started working with a new t. I've seen him for 5 sessions (though the first was a history taking / interview type meeting). I told him about my history with psych services and that I'd been dx'd with DID. He said he would need to assess that himself, but he was happy to work with me and he had an interest in (and some experience with treating) dissociative disorders.

I'm not sure how much experience he has with treating dissociative disorders. He does have a lot of experience with BPD though, and I guess that is similar in the sense of trauma history and the like. I think mostly it was about reassuring me that he is qualified to be doing this, and that is okay, I understand that.

In our last two sessions we have been talking about 'the voices' a lot. Three sessions ago he suggested journalling or attempting to map the voices. He said I didn't have to show him, I could just do it for myself. He also said that I didn't even have to do it for myself, I could just think about it as something to do at some point.

I did a map and gave it to him. The rest of the session was about them. When I found them and what their function is and what they are like. The next session (the last time I saw him) was mostly about that too. He has agreed to not try and summon them. I made it clear that I didn't want him to do that in our first session and he promised that he wouldn't.

My concern is...

I don't want therapy to be about my elaborating on them. Making them bigger. I want therapy to be about my elaborating on me. Making me bigger. I'm not sure that the focus on them is useful to me. I don't want him to meet them. Ever. I don't think that this is due to lack of trust or anything like that... I think it is that my view of getting better is enlarging me. I need to get better at communicating with them. I don't see how their communicating with him is going to help me do that.

Does this make sense?

Maybe it is unconventional... But that is the way I want to do things. Does this make sense to anyone? What do people think?