A therapist diagnosed me as avoidant and then a psychiatrist came back later and said I wasn't...probably because on the outside I don't seem avoidant. And it would seem impossible to other people that an avoidant could (and would) take the career path I've taken (musician/composer).

I think I'll go through the criteria too...might be helpful. I will also admit that some things have gotten better in the last few years...but I don't know why that would make me suddenly NOT avoidant.

Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
It's difficult for people to see that as I'm a musician (you literally set yourself up for rejection, humiliation, and criticism on almost a daily basis). This only got better as there was less rejection—i.e. I became a better musician. I also learned how to "perform"—i.e. hide mistakes from the audience and control to a certain extent what the audience will hear and take from the experience. But I do avoid making friends and becoming closer to friends...most of my contact with people is superficial.

Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
I won't even approach someone to be friends unless they make the first move or the universe pushes us together—I became friends with this one couple because I stayed in their house for a few days and now I live in their neighborhood and walk over to their house on the weekends. But that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't had a time where I needed a place to stay for a few days.

I also can't approach anyone romantically. I used to try, but after the last rejection (2 years ago), I can't do it anymore.

Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
I've shown so much restraint that I haven't even BEEN in an intimate relationship (I'm mid-20's by the way so it's unusual that I haven't at this point). I would not be able to communicate what I want or don't want though....and there's no way I could talk about sex in any way. The other person would pretty much have to guess what I want at this point. I also have a fear of someone seeing me naked or having sex because of—drumroll please—my fear of being shamed or ridiculed because of my body and/or my ignorance/inability when it comes to sex.

It is because of this that I will never be in a romantic relationship...and that's a really big deal to me. That's why I think the personality disorder deserves to be recognized. This has a huge negative impact on my life and prevents me from getting what I want...and not just relationships...

Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
I don't know how to elaborate on this...just that, say I like someone. I start avoiding them (since I already know there's nothing I can do about it anyway) and I know within that there's feelings of inadequacy.

Views themself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
Well, yes, I do find myself socially inept (or at least not as good as others at it), DEFINITELY unappealing (why else is no one ever attracted to me?), and inferior to others in a lot of areas (though not all).

Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing
Like I said earlier...this really gets in the way of me being able to enjoy life. There's something else (other than a relationship) for 10+ years...and that's to start/be in a rock band. I've been in plenty of other bands/groups, but I can't seem to find people to form a group like that. And my fears of ridicule etc. haven't lessened for singing and playing guitar like they have for playing trumpet (which I would consider my main instrument).

I also can't leave my apartment unless I have a very specific reason (laundry, groceries, etc.), nor could I go someplace or try some new activity by myself. And since I have so few friends...and none really that are my age, I don't usually have someone to take. So my activities are very limited. I tried to go to a jam session a week and a half ago but as soon as I got there, I just drove past because I don't know anybody there and I just couldn't do it...

I don't think I really appear shy in most situations...maybe when it comes to dancing (I also can't dance without being drunk), but how do I not have AvPD when it affects my life so much? It holds me back from getting anything I want and it'll take me at least an extra 10 years more than my peers to accomplish what I want that is SOOOOO easy for "normal" people.

So why does a psychiatrist think I'm not Avoidant anymore? I mean...how dare she?! I feel so much emotional pain knowing that I'll be alone forever and even if for some odd reason someone wants to bother with trying to date me they'll soon run away after finding out that I'm not only not easy, I'm extremely, extremely difficult when it comes to creating emotional and *shudder* physical intimacy.