You haven't mentioned if you talk to a psychologist or other doctor. I think it is important to reach out to your local mental health services. Sometimes there are mental health clinics or sometimes going to the hospital and talking with a physician can lead to finding a good mental health doctor. It doesn't matter what the diagnosis is. If you are hurting yourself you need to talk about this with someone. I am, in part, in therapy because I hurt myself and promised us I wouldn't ever do that again. It took a while but I haven't hurt the body in a couple of years. I have thought about it only now I don't. Be strong.