I really don't remember very much of my childhood, so I can't speak to what symptoms may have been present.

My freshman year in college was my first major depression. I became obsessed with my grades and full of crazy fear that I was going to fail. I felt like I would die if I made a bad grade. It was very strange because I had never cared that much about grades in high school. It must have been a mixed episode because in addition to being depressed, I was agitated and angry.

Then seemingly overnight I felt better, like really better, like AMAZING. I think my baseline mood for many years was slightly hypomanic, but it was manageable, so I didn't even think about it. The depression would come and go.

I had severe postpartum depression after my first daughter was born. We didn't have good insurance and I was not clear on what could be done for it, so I just suffered through it.

Two years later when my second daughter was born, the postpartum depression was unbearable. I wanted to leave my family and my baby, I was convinced everyone would be better off without me.

I went to my ob gyn doc and she prescribed antidepressants. I felt SO much better...and that is when the crazy really came for me. I had grandiose ideas about all the businesses I could run. I wanted to leave my husband because he was so lazy and he talked and walked so slow. I was totally manic. My worst point was when i locked the keys in the car while it was running and my babies were inside. I felt something in my hand and the next thing I knew I had smashed the front passenger window out with a sledge hammer and then I unlocked the car and drove off like nothing had happened.

I never made it in to a pdoc until the mania ended and the depression hit, so it was a very long time until I had a proper diagnosis, and even longer until we found a cocktail of meds that worked for me.

My pdoc and I argue about my diagnosis. He says BP I, but my depression is so much worse and more prevalent than the hypomania, that I want to say it is BP II. I guess it really doesn't matter.

I have done everything humanly possible to deal with this, as well as the many other issues that I have. Years of therapy, 12-step recovery and of course meds. It was the combination of the three that saved my life. Being on this forum is new to me and I really like it. I think it is really helping me.