I don't know what triggered me down so low, but I think that I feel really angry. I am taking my anger out upon myself right now. Biting hard on my inner mouth...just SO tempted!

While brushing my teeth tonight, I found myself planning the end. At the same time, I kept trying to fight these intense thoughts and temptations. They seemingly came out of nowhere! I just can't seem to stop myself from coming up with all of these plans & a "lets go now!!" attitude.

I have no one ~ my daughters left earlier this evening. I keep trying to kick some sense into my head on that concept as well, to try and stop this intense idealization, but a very strong part of myself feels the opposite. Maybe I should call an 800 number...I just REALLY don't want to!