I think you need to talk to someone about your experiences. Is there a counselor at your school or a trusted teacher you can open up with? It may be difficult to get control of your feelings by yourself. There may be community support groups near you that you can join. Or there are helplines that you can call and talk. There are forums here on PC that talk about the things you describe. You would get a lot of support from people who have had the same experience in the past. There are social clubs as well where you can open up without fear of being judged.
I hope you talk to someone soon. Post here as often as you want to. We will support you the best we can.