(((((( Matt ))))))) Going to state the obvious, which is that what you are doing is circular thinking. Round and round and round and no way out (something with which I am very familiar, sad to say.) Somehow (the magic get out word, sorry) you need to break out of that circular way of thinking, even step right outside of it altogether - or it will continue rolling on and on with its own momentum and truth won't be the issue, survival will.

I'm sorry you're stuck in this kind of obsessive thinking, is there some way you can give yourself a respite from trying to solve this, as there really is no solution at least not in the circularity itself.

Hugs to you

LL