I was looking on my computer yesterday and found some pictures I took when I was at my lowest weight.

On one hand I can see that I was sick. My eyes were dead I looked physically ill. I pity myself.

On the other hand I hate myself for gaining all that weight back and I HAVE TO LOSE IT. Lose it and more because even though I looked sick I wasn't skinny enough and wasn't sick enough because NO ONE NOTICED.

I want to lose all this weight and look sick and have people notice how sick and how thin I am. I want to show them that I'm not who they think I am and not this perfect child and not to be used and ignored.

I feel like not eating again. I shouldn't eat anymore. I need to be thin and sick so they'll notice.