I just want to add here that trying to explain it to your family is not a good idea right now. Consider the fact that you yourself are confused, well, others around you are not going to really understand either.

What I have slowly learned about my "own" challenge is that "my family did not understand it" and as I have worked through my childhood and talked about things I experienced, I have learned that because my family was "dysfunctional" it had more of an effect on "me" than I realized.

If we happen to grow up with a parent who is somehow "challenged" for example, that can actually be "imprinted" in us more than we realize. I have actually seen this problem because I spent years working with children and began to notice how certain children had adapted behavior patterns that I noticed in their parents too. One example that really stood out was a child that I worked with that had to constantly take breaks and she would say, "I am tired right now I need to rest". Well, what I found out is that when she was growing up from an early age her mother was fighting "breast cancer" and in treatment and therefore would say to her that very same thing, "I am tired right now, Mommy needs to rest" and this child also imprinted the facial and body language of "being tired and needing rest". The mother never even realized this problem and what she did say is that her daughter was not very athletic and on the "lazy" side.

I also worked with another child that was quite a challenge as she seemed to need to "run the lesson" and "take over" all the time. After I spent time watching her with her mother, well, what I saw is that her mother was the one that "micro managed" and consistently inserted herself into a "control mode". Her mother was a teacher, however, she was "very controlling" and constantly "instructing" and "over managing".
Well, her daughter was imprinting that and you know what? No one liked working with this child and later on she was considered to have some kind of "learning disability". Well, she didn't have a disability, her disability was "her mother". Her mother was "so controlling" that I had to ask the mother to leave so I could work with this child on my own terms.

When we are children, we have no real say over how our parents raise us. If there is a "learned dysfunctional behavior pattern" in a parent, often they tend to "pass it down" without realizing they can be "creating problems" in their children.

If a child happens to grow up in a "stressful environment" they try adapt as best as they can. However, all children want to "please" and "gain approval" from their parents, and if they can't seem to "achieve approval in some way" they can begin to develop some coping methods that can become a part of how they somehow manage themselves throughout their lives. This is just "me" they think, not realizing that they developed coping methods that may be "unhealthy" for them.

What also can happen is unknowingly a person can often pic a partner that exhibits behavior patterns that are "unhealthy" however, because these behavior patterns are something "familiar" the feeling of "this seems to fit and feel right" can take place.
Also without realizing it, because "dysfunction" was all someone really "knew" they can unknowingly create the same environment in their own home that they grew up in. Often there may be an effort to "make something better" too, want to do better in their environment than what they experienced in their youth, however, the way they try to "change" whatever they didn't like, can lead to creating more harm than good.

For myself, what I didn't realize is that I began to develop "cycles" to try to compensate for my very "stressful and unstable environment" growing up. What I was trying to do is "find some way of having a sense of control" in my childhood. All children will try to do this to compensate. Now that I look back, I can see how I was often "very tired" from being stressed out from the dysfunction in my environment, and then building up "energy or adrenaline to try to compensate and gain a sense fo "control" to "keep thriving".

I ended up marrying a "binge alcoholic" where again my sense of "safety" was constantly threatened. I didn't really "know about binge alcoholism" however, and I thought "it was normal to drink in excess from time to time". Why? Because that is what I saw my father do as well. How did I compensate? I began to "obsess" over my home and needed to keep it clean and nicely decorated. I was actually "again" trying to compensate for "feeling unsafe". In therapy I have learned that how I reacted to my husband's alcoholism is "typical" of how women react with that kind of "dysfunction" and threat to their sense of "safety". As I look back on my life, I did have a kind of "cycle" of being down, and then regenerating and pushing to compensate. Often when someone compensates this way, they "can" be misdiagnosed with "bipolar disorder" when in reality, they are not actually "bipolar".
I was not diagnosed with "bipolar disorder" however, I can see how I could have clearly been misunderstood that way.

Now, I am not saying that you are not challenged with "bipolar disorder" either. However, my suggestion is to "keep an open mind" and make a decision to finally open up to sorting through your life, including your childhood, with a therapist who understands "complex PTSD" . I have a therapist that "does" understand it and I am finally understanding myself on a whole new level.

The one person that needs to understand "you" is "you" and with the right therapy and "patience" you can finally slowly understand yourself and "finally" learn to "slowly help yourself" to where you can begin to "function better". Depending on your history and what you have done to "compensate" it will "take you time" to 'slowly" understand yourself and develop "better coping skills". This is not something that "family" is going to always "understand" either. However, if you surround yourself with others who "do understand it" you will begin to gain a sense of "support" that you are not alone, not a failure, and can "heal" with "patience and time".

I am sorry that you are struggling and finding yourself curling up in a ball as you have described. I have been in that condition myself, so I know how lonely that can be.
However, you are on a path of getting help now, and you have also been "reaching out for support", that is very "good". You are "not alone" with this challenge, and by reaching out, you will slowly get the help you need to finally "overcome and heal".