I'm not sure if this qualifies for an eating disorder or not, but here it is. I have a really strange eating habit. I'll go for days, usually four or five, without eating anything, putting only water into my body. I won't eat food again until I end up passing out or vomitting. It's like a compulsion. I know I should just eat, but something in me won't let me. I think maybe, on a subconscienous level, I'm trying to punish myself because I hate myself so much.
This is hard for me to write down. I won't even look at myself in the mirror, because all I see is an ugly, fat piece of trash. At a doctor's appiontment last week, I only weighed 107. But still I feel fat, and I actually feel better when I let myself go hungry, like I'm getting what I deserve.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? I have no idea what's wrong with me.