I think you need to take a long, hard look at how you view assistance from the government.

I personally think that modern societies are obligated to support their mentally ill members. So the money you get is not "on loan" - it is a result of redistribution of income to which you, as a member of your society which considers itself evolved enough to care for its disabled members, are entitled. It is thus not "on loan". Unless you think differently and believe that we should go back to the times when the mentally disabled were beggars on the streets, you, too, should stop thinking that the money is "on loan".

That would hopefully help you to not consider it a "loan".

That you fear it might be canceled can be rational though: what are rules of qualifying for disability? How frequently do you need to prove your disability? etc.