I am sorry Lissanya.

It sounds really sad that your Grandma didn't have much love or respect for you. I can relate in a lot of ways!! Your experience isn't healthy or normal. It sounds abusive to me ~ emotionally and physically. You did (unfortunately) experience sexual abuse as well, and that sure doesn't help us grow into healthy young adults either.

I really can't offer much advice...other than: reach out now for professional help! My past has continued to plague me, despite seeing therapists for many years. The trick is that I have so many problems...they sort of take "center stage" until I have worked through more recent complications in life. It's a real pain in the arse!

Just keep reaching out for emotional support. Check out chat groups that meet in your area. Look into T's working for your local county (if you're in the US), as they are typically working on a sliding scale, which makes help a LOT more affordable!

Gentle hugs...I wish you the best!