I'm reluctant to say I was abused as a child, but my first sexual encounters were with another male my age, and it went on for a couple years. Its not something I've ever felt was "wrong", per se, just something that happened . I've never held any negative emotions toward this person, who initiated all of it, and in fact we are still friends, since kindergarten. However, as an adult, I'm very messed up when it comes to sex. All I can see is the negative, how sex is used for manipulation, control and to hurt others. Rape is a common thing world wide, abuse just rolls on to the next generation, and the viscous cycle starts over. I hate sex, even though I love it. I don't want it, except for when I do. As you can guess, the fact that I am a rapid cycler only frustrates things worse. I'm also a hopeless romantic, so the only thing I've ever wanted was a relationship, which is near impossible when you hate sex. The worst part is that it seems the only people I ever attract are women with very high sex drives. I can't keep up with that, and it causes me to have so much stress and performance anxiety. I have only had one encounter that I could say was completely enjoyable and shame free, every other time, even if we both enjoy it, there's always a part of me that feels ashamed and inadequate.Where most guys can't seem to think of anything but sex, I don't even desire it when I'm dating someone that's very attractive to me. What's wrong with me?