It is more usual for abusers to deny their behavior. I like a letter of "restorative justice"--Restorative Justice says....this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. The letter is for YOU....not for them. It is a way of taking your power back. You had none as a child and now you do. You don't have to play any games....that is your mother's stuff. You can let her know that unless she speaks to you with respect, you won't have a conversation.

An excellent resource is "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud...we all need boundaries in our lives to keep ourselves safe...physical and emotional boundaries. If those were stolen from us as children, we need to learn them. Don't let HER behavior determine YOUR behavior. The book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans......good to get therapy and use all of the resources you can. YOU determine your relationship with her.