Well Ive stumbled across a video called "Narcissistic abuse and how to overcome it" Everything makes a lot more sense to me now. I wonder why I keep coming back, thinking its because I love him and really we are addicted to the negative "peptides". I learned a lot but now am stuck in this depression because it seems there will be a long road to recovery and didnt realize the severity of the effects this situation will have on me long term. I havent left yet. Today we are supposed to sign another year lease and I feel as though I should tell my landlords that I probably wont be here much longer. Im afraid they'll think Im crazy. They live right next door and know Ive left multiple times before. My bf still hasnt touched a drop of alcohol but he is still jealous and frustrated and Im having a hard time. I know I need to leave. I mentioned the abuse to his mother and she says I need to work on the effects my childhood has had on me, that thats the cause of my initial problem with the bf. That didnt make me feel very good because I know Im sensitive and I dont like loud noises or fights, etc but Ive never been in a relationship and been this depressed and anxiety ridden. I feel so bad about myself today.