Thank you. I breathed a sigh of relief when I read this. So it is not me.

Yes I feel we are not in good health and yes I try to talk about it all the time and I have tried to get couples counseling and he had given me the 'hell no' on that one. And in saying that I am being polite.

I am trying to just shrug it off, but I feel really awful all the time . I fantasize about being single. Just to not be in a relationship but esp not with him. To be loved and free and not so hurt and down trodden and to trapped. I have been in bad places before but this feels so much worse and I don't know why. He will not talk or act in any positive way and I have begun to feel the same. I can not do this any more. I just want to be alone and cry with a drink. This is not ok and I know this. Some times I wish I was so strong I would get a job earning a lot of money over night and just leave and everything would be fine and other days I would wish I won the lotto and I could just leave and all would be ok.