I second looking in to DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). There are lots of websites and books you can find on the subject. The reason I say that is because you seem to have a lot of physical sensations connected to your explosions. One of the most useful things I learned in DBT was the distress tolerance skill oF TIP - temperature, intense exercise, and progressive muscle relaxation. I never use the last part but when I've been in the red zone - that is, ready to explode - I've found that TIP works very well. Squeezing ice, putting my face is ice cold water, exercising until I can't move by doing jumping jacks, push ups, sit ups, whatever takes your energy up. That's only one DBT skill that has helped me through some of my moments. I also do think you should consider an IOP program if you have any near you. They meet three times a week for three hours a day and usually have a med management component.

I was exactly where you are back in January and February this year. One day I screamed at my husband and threw diapers - outside at seven in the morning. It was embarrassing to say the least. It took me three months to see a pdoc and I barely hung on till then. I think now I've finally found medication that works for me but it's been a rough ride. DBT has helped me when medications have failed.

Good luck and know you are not alone.