Hi Beta,

Yes I do have experience with this type of situation.

My abuser (adoptive father) died when I was an older teen. Years later when I felt strong enough to confront his wife (my adoptive mother) about her role in what had happened, she acted as though I had made everything up. She claimed not to know anything about what was going on in the home which was ridiculous because at least twice social services had become involved. How in the hell she had the audacity to sit there and feign amnesia I'll never know.

The bottom line became clear; she was not going to accept responsibility no matter what evidence was placed in front of her. Who knows, maybe to admit her role in what happened is something that she couldn't bear.

I had to make the decision to cut her out of my life because I felt like there was no chance of us healing our relationship and moving forward so long as she refused to acknowledge her part in what had happened. Her preferred way of being is to act like I had a great childhood with loving adoptive parents when that was absolutely not the truth. I just couldn't continue with the lie like I had to do when I was a kid.

Not everyone is comfortable with cutting family out of their lives but for me I knew that if I didn't, my mental health would deteriorate further. It became an issue of self preservation and a desire to move forward and not stay stuck in a toxic situation.