I feel trapped in my life and in cycles of unhappiness and bad choices. I do honestly have hope that things will get better, but not anytime soon.

I graduate in a couple of months with a summa GPA. My father offered to pay off the remainder of my lease so that I can leave as soon as I get a job. I'm looking to work in South Korea or Japan. I think it will be great for me.

However, that stuff is not now. The last guy I had any interest in here got a gf behind my back and is returning to town in a couple of days. I'm incredibly depressed and angry. I cry almost everyday because I feel like no one here that I am interested likes me or respects me. My self esteem has taken a huge dive and I feel like an incredibly undesirable creature. So I am going to be alone while just about everyone else around me isn't, because apparently this is an easy game for everyone else. And no, I won't meet anyone new. I'm a realist.

I love my friends, but I feel like few people here really get me or are engaging enough not to bore me. With no bf and unsatisfying friendships, I feel incredibly lonely and misunderstood.

My mental health has been horrible and I'm going for a P evaluation soon. It doesn't help that I drink more than I would like to. I feel like drinking is a) the only thing to do here and b) the only way that I can be around most people here without wanting to shove my head into a wall. I feel like my only other option is staying home every night. The drinking screws with my moods and I don't even want to do it, but its the only thing that I have that helps. I don't do anything dangerous when I drink, but I know that binge drinking on weekends isn't healthy.

I have 6 classes and teach a class and work, so hopefully my workload will keep my thoughts in check. However, it makes me incredibly sad to feel that there is nothing for me here and that I will just have to coast through the next 6 months until I can have a shot at a happy healthy life. I want reasons to wake up and ways to have fun now. I don't want to coast. I'm 23! It also doesn't help that I don't think that I'll be a part of the poetry community here anyone because my ex main squeeze is a big part of it too and seeing him will just remind me of how undesirable and disposable I am.

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to this fall except media that I enjoy and going to university poetry readings by myself.

This was more of a rant, sorry. But really, how do I just swallow this pill and suck it up and just continue my joke of a life for 6 months until I can leave?