woods, I agree with abilifyguy (I was going to put my name as abilified one!)--you have to get the right meds before you can even think rationally & not be sad all the time & ruminate on all the past hurts. At least that was the way it was for me. I was in despair all the time (had the typical crappy childhood, suicide attempts, low self-esteem, abused alchohol--I'm a walking cliche) & I kept ruminating on all the negative stuff. Once I got the proper meds I could start to focus on my life now & how I wanted to live it & have some control over it (quit smoking--a major control over me; stopped abusing alcohol; started to to learn how to live a quality life & reduce my symptoms through daily self-care). There is a hopeful & happy life out there for you!--Suzy