trigger contains abandonment issues


It will be the 20th anniversary next year ( january 14th) of finding out our birthmother abandoned us as an infant, we were 2 ½ yrs old at the time she left us and one of our sisters with our dad, she did take our older sister with her when she left, so that to us concludes she made a choice of who she would take with her and who she would leave behind, so the excuse that she couldn’t take us with her will just not fly anymore.

she has not tried to find or contact us in the last 20 yrs that we are aware off, we have tried to find her but to no avail, now we are at the point that we have actively stopped looking for her, she can come find us.

On our 13th birthday was when we worked it all out, our life stopped going forward that day, in part it as cost us our education, threw teenage rebellion, our marriage, for fear of being rejected again and scuppering our own ship so to speak via our inability to trust anyone, because of her, and now its getting to the point where we are going to lose visitation with our son, total despair, anger, fright and pain.

we fight so hard to get what little visitation we can with our son knowing it is not enough, it will never be enough, and its a fight we know we will never win, but wont stop trying anyway, too many of our own demons are pushing us forward relentless of the consequences to ourselves, we don’t want our son to feel like we have abandoned him, like our mother did to us, we don’t want him to grow up in our world that is everyman for his self, or with not being able to trust anyone for fear of being hurt or rejected, in short we want him to do the exact opposite of everything that we did at his age and the coming ages and be happy in life, our chance to see that happen is being taken away from us and it is hurting, and I mean really hurting.