I think you're all right. The comparison between racing thoughts and normal thoughts make me feel slower. It is a mental block that I created. Becoming a person that always second guessed what was the right thing to do. I was looking for a absolute correct answer instead of laying my initial thought out on the line. I have been claiming that there is a problem with me socially due to illness. While that logically is true, it is also logic to state that the very thought of me thinking there was a social problem..... was in fact the social problem. It's just a matter of getting back into the norm and regaining my own self trust in what I'm saying and overcoming the stigma that comes with being labeled "Psychotic." People tend to take you less seriously, which is why people don't need to know. I've been lucky to have a strong social group around me in my friends that have had faith that I'll get back to "normal."

I have a knack and always have of over analyzing situations and conditions. As a result I stayed in depression for a long time thinking things would never get better. It's difficult to see the true lines. Now that I've restored faith that everything is and always has been normal since I've come out of the psychotic state, I feel somewhat upset that I never saw this. What the mind can do..... I went out to a boat party today and had a great time. More exposure and consistent positive thinking should get me back to be socially inclined to hold a conversation in any situation. These past few months have been eye opening. Finding out everything one believes to be true is false is a tough blow... I'm surprised that the doctors actually have medicine to bring people back after such a bad history... man am I glade I live in this day and age. Then again in 50 years or so they will probably have pills that can change our DNA and the way we develop so we don't even have mental illness. That's wishful thinking. Breaking the train of thought that I'm not normal is hard. I still look at people and wonder, wow how the hell can they talk that much about nothing.... I really want to get back to that.

Looking back I've had a lot of time to reflect on the person I was before. Although there were some great things, there is defiantly room to improve. I like time to myself as everyone does. I like to join interesting social conversations. I like to be me and that's something that has been hiding behind a personal mental block. I am stubborn and did not want to change my thinking. There is something wrong and I'm pissed. That was a depression and loss of hope. As I've always been told, things get better with time. That is true. I am not sorry for posting several times about this topic because it took me this long to get it..... I will not post anymore about this and I'm happy that you all helped me out. I hope to return the favor. Peace be with you.