it took me a good long time to work up the nerve to read this thread, and it just kept growing ~! i will just remain numb for a while, now...

i grew up "poor", we had no running water, my mother sometimes made our school clothes out of the cheapest cloth... we rarely had store-bought anything, including food. as a worker, i learned to live on low wages, because i wanted meaningful jobs. but i never knew poverty 'til i acquired a brain chemistry disorder.

the loss of abilities to cope, to strive, to endeavor, to improvise, to repay, to just get up out of bed,,, those are the basis of a poverty far deeper than the lack of money and social status. here i am, alone at home, eating my home equity, injuring myself to get groceries on the little disabled bus, paying more than i have to spare for the ride.... and i'm happier than i have ever been.

it is not necessary to be miserable in misery. at some point a person might stumble onto the way of being happy despite having little to point to other than a surfeit of troubles. this is not as easy as buying a lottery ticket and losing. it does require a deep burning desire to stop being miserable, no matter what the external or internal circumstances are.

i languished in misery for decades, unable to believe there was any way out other than death. i wished for death constantly. it never came, it avoided me, it eluded me... finally, with no other option, i gave up. i accepted that i am damaged, fundamentally, but perhaps not irrevocably. yes, i am poor, my body is failing to function, i am struggling to hold my ground and not deteriorate physically and financially, and not succeeding very well, ok, failing.

but, i have found ways to accept my self, my life, my challenges, my failures. i have found that i am not a body, but that i HAVE a body, and the me that is important is entirely in my care. if i fail to care for my spiritual well-being, then i am miserable and responsible for it. if i practice the things i know lead to peacefulness and calm, then i have the resources i need to make my life bearable, and more, a treasure.

poverty and disability have been my best friends. they forced me to find a way to be free of wanting, and hating, and hurting. any of you who have such friends, i hope will find a way to be free of material misery. perhaps you will gain materially, but i hope more that you find spiritual sanctuary and refuge.

i hope this message is worded carefully enough not to be offensive to anyone.
i hope that each person who suffers finds a way to peace and sufficiency.
i hope that every challenge is met with dignity and calm, as much as possible.

i hope each one reaches the depths of understanding that is true wealth.
Gus