Hello,
it's many days I want to post but many people here seem to have worse situations than mine... Moreover I always sit at the PC on late night, when I feel better, so I don't feel entitled to post. Anyway, I need to say something: I am 35 years old, and I feel I have wasted half of my life. Even if I am determined to be less solitary and more active in the second half, I can only think about the years I have wasted, that my life is so short, and that I will die screaming in regret for a meaningless existence.
Since we are not talking in person, I'll uncover my most shameful secret: I never had ANY sexual contact with a woman. Yes, I'm a damn virgin. That is the amount of my life's failure. I've been able to get a law degree (just because everybody consedered it a good choice), but no girl at all, and just a fistful of friends that I now only see rarely.

These problems take the form of clinical depression, diagnosed and under treatment (both meds and and psychotherapy). But that doesn't save me from recurring depressive episodes(even if I'm pretty sure the antidepressants soften the symptoms). So also this Xmas I am in depression (4th weeks). I wake up terribly anxious, I can't eat until late afternoon, I cry often and I always think about what it will feel like to die, old and desperate. Moreover, I CAN'T pause working (because it's the family business).

But as I said, I have a good economical situation, a mostly supportive family, good health (except depression), and paradoxically this is the thing that scares me most: how will I survive when life will challenge me really? I feel I'll get crushed. So the attempts to "live out" more always come out of desperation, and my life is still lived under the sign of fear.
Well, I will not go further. Thank you for reading anyway.