I have also had a difficult time accepting my illnesses... so much that I have stopped taking my meds twice in the last three months. I wish I had not, I have only been on my current meds for about one month and feel so much better.
Bless everyone on this site, as they have given me (and you) some awesome advice. The trick is to remember that the stable and good feeling most likely comes from the meds .
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Current Dx- Bipolar I w/ psychotic features - Borderline Personality Disorder
Current Rx- 15mg Olanzapine, 50mg Trazodone 2x day, 200mg at night, 300mg Bupropion XR, Prozac 20mg
Previous Dx- paranoid schizophrenia, schizoaffective bipolar disorder
Previous Rx- Depakote, Seroquel, Risperidone
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