well I guess tomorrow I go to the doc. It seems to be the only way I can figure stuff out with her as in is she safe or not? I know our last visit was horrid and threw me into a PTSD episode/setback that is still stinging.

I am doing P.T. I have indeed been taking pain pills, against her advice. (supposed to be for severe flare ups) What is daily pain? Oh that's right, my imagination. I am doing PT, wearing a tens, yet still pain.

I am afraid of tomorrow. I have to go to her ground. I must make sure no children are with me.

I just wish it were better. I wish I didn't have to go through this. I wish I knew I could trust. I feel horrid about the conversation with her nurse. Like I was being difficult. Geez, it does bother me what others think.

I have been little if not any support for people here lately. Seems I only want support for myself. I am in hopes that this will change, I will feel better. There is so much external stress as well. Oh, I can't even discuss it.