Hi BinaryMan,

I can empathize with your partner. I just ended a relationship with my bipolar partner of a little over a year. We were together immediately before the diagnosis, through the diagnosis, and through a revision to the diagnosis. He has Cyclothymia with narcissistic traits. It has not been easy at all.

Maybe I can give you some insight to the other side.

I spent a lot of time reading about his illness and his medication. I've hung out on these forums and I joined an online support group. I noticed when the moods were shifting, because he would go from being calm, cool, relaxed, sweet, to being irritable with a short fuse. When the downswing starts, he starts getting obsessive about rules and ethics. Suddenly everything I say/do is unethical or un-principled. When the upswing starts, I am his reason for living. He loves me so much. He cannot keep his hands off me. He wants to spend as much time with me as possible.

It has been difficult to determine what part of his behavior reflects moods or reflects his personality. I've been told I forced him to be with me, I've been told that coming on these forums for support is tantamount to "bringing others into our relationship," I've been called horrible, specific names like "authoritarian" and "totalitarian" and "militant." I've been told I "betray [his] trust at every opportunity." He recently lied to me about keeping in touch with a girl from the past--a manic past--and he plays with words and meaning. For instance, I asked if he spoke to her during a period when we were broken up (because he would not see a new doctor to get a second opinion since he was still having a hard time after 6mos of medication), he told me no. I recently learned he chatted with her online. His response? "You said SPEAK. I didn't SPEAK to her, like on the phone or in person. I just texted her and responded online. That's not speaking." When we fight he picks on ONE word or how I arranged a sentence and he launches into a critique. If I allude to being fed up with this and wanting out, he starts personally insulting me.

On the flip side, he continues to tell me how sweet I am, how I am the only one he has ever trusted, how he wants a life with me, how he loves me so much, etc.

At this point I feel like he only "loves" his punching bag/cheerleader/support system, not ME. Whenever I try to talk about how his behavior affects me, he shifts the blame and blames me for his behavior. *I* provoked him.

I don't know what your relationship is like. If it is like this though it can be exhausting and damaging to the partner. I swear he hated me last winter and last summer he wouldn't even take my calls because he was so depressed. These days I don't think he sees me as a person at all. Your partner needs support just as much as you do. It is not easy dealing with irritability or the depressive episodes or the fear that mania may return.