Hi Breanna, welcome No you are not alone. You were robbed of your childhood I'm so sorry what you've been through. I was suicidal at 15, hypo/manic at 19 & dropped out of college. School can wait, you're taking care of your health. My 2 older kids are teens, also could not attend regular school due to bp instability. They are slowly working on independent studies and getting GED's. All 3 of us experience the scary violent thoughts too. There's a therapy called Mindfulness Therapy that has helped me more than anything. In private sessions we did some talk therapy and meditations where I learned to better listen to my body, breathing techniques for anxiety, and I made some peace with my innner dialogue. Realized how extreme my thoughts go and the catastrophic thinking I tend to do. Try to remember that life gets better. You are a strong young woman, smart & brave for reaching out for support. Childhood is lost, but there will be fun & happy times to be had as an adult. You will probably be much help to others in the future who need help because of everything you've been through. Hang in there sweetie, I hope things get better soon for you.