For me, I believe I am in a mixed state right now or ultra-ultra rapid cycling.
Especially last month, before I was put on depakote.

I would generally feel lethargic and hopeless, but then sometimes get wildly enthusiastic about something, even if it wasn't that exciting. I would be extremely volatile. I would boil over without hardly any provocation and the resulting behavior is extremely scary, things get destroyed, fortunately just objects and doors and walls....and of course, after settling down (many hours later) I would feel extremely horrible, depressed, and suicidal. I had two horrible panic attacks that occurred last month: one seemingly unprovoked, and the other as a result of having an intense paranoia of my own condition.

It felt like a constant clashing of good and bad/up and down, which I often translated to good and evil (sometimes I get delusional in the religious sense)...

I felt like one minute I was doing great and the next minute in the deepest pits of hell. It's like living in constant fear of yourself. And the whole thing is just a cycle. The negative thought patterns just perpetuate everything into a downward spiral. That's kinda how I feel about it anyway.

I know that I DON'T ever want to get that bad again.

The depakote IS helping.