Thank you for the clarification. Yes, this does change my opinion significantly.

What you have described are serious breaches of trust. You have been betrayed and betrayal is an extremely painful experience. I am sorry to hear that you have suffered through so much. These are traumatic episodes and the best way to work through a trauma is with the help of a professional.

It is completely understandable to me that you have not felt comfortable to discuss these matters with your friends. Friends are supportive but we can be hesitant to "burden" them with such deeply personal concerns. It is natural to fear that they may shy away once they understand the deeper issues that plague us. You are experiencing trust issues with people so it makes sense that you have barriers around yourself to protect yourself from being so vulnerable again. Just remember that your friends are there to support you in the ways you need. For now, you just need to know they are there for you and to spend time with them here and there. That's fine. A therapist can help you with the more private issues and they are best equipped to do that.

You have been hurt and even in fear and that is a terrible thing. I am sorry for your pain. Please take advantage of whatever help you are comfortable with including this forum. Every little bit will help you to eventually overcome your feeling of isolation.