I'm thankful for what i have but long for all I've lost. Not things, I don't need things. All i have are my children and my grandson. But my son moved to another state and my daughter and grandson are about to move to another town. I have shuffled bills till there's no shuffle left. I will be homeless in about a month. I've spent my life as a child being molested and raped by people who where supose to protect me. As an adult i witnessed someone i trusted murder my husband. But I'm told I'm blessed that the gun jammed when it was my turn to be shot. I was blessed to get to get to live the memory of s be shot. I'm now blessed to live what its like to see someone take their last breathes over and over in my mind day after day. Blessed to be stuck living because I'm all my kids have and they can't lose their mom after losing their dad. I'm blessed to know there really is a big bad boogy man and he's not hardly ever a stranger. And on my birthday i got a leter from disability they couldn't of timed it any better. Telling me i lost my case because i wasn't credible because something i couldn't do two yrs ago i can now do. One it had nothing to do with my disabilty but two i can now do it because i had pysical theropy. I could have lied and said i still couldn't do it but i don't lie. Ironic isn't it, I'm not credible because i don't lie. But you know my whole life I've always been able to say its going to be ok. Gid will provide a way. Things happen for a reason. Tomorrows another day. I've never blamed God. I've never been bitter . I only have found bitterness since my husbands death. But i am tired. God I am beyond tired and I need a break. I'm greatful for my children and my grandson but my life feels like a burden. I feel so hopeless. I can't even begin to tell you. And no Gus you did not offend me. I'm just offended by life in general today. Sorry for the vent.