He has depression too, but his isn't as bad as mine is right now I don't think. His is more from work, school, and other issues that aren't exactly mental for him, if that makes sense. At least as far as I know. Mine is totally mental. I mean the way I see it, I have no reason to actually be depressed. My life is finally good, and it feels like it's finally somewhere. So why it had to hit me right now, I have no idea, but it makes me mad

I mean getting engaged soon, getting married (hopefully next year), graduating college (hopefully still with my high grades) with honors next year, finding a job in my field next year that I love - all of those are motivations to get better, yes. But I don't know if that's what I need to focus on right now...I think I need to focus on getting better, not on hoping that those things will make me better.

I know that graduating and getting a job next year are inevitable, and I still hope that we get married next year. I'm sure my episode won't last that long. I'm hoping this will only last for a few months and then go away like it always does. I just don't want my depression to ruin such a special night, you know? That's why I feel like we should probably wait...'til like Christmas or something.

I don't know if I'm even making sense.