Thanks, everybody. I feel like the wind not only got let out of sails, it feels like it got SNAPPED!

Jillers, I've told you about him before. Remember me asking you if anger is normal in the last stages of Aids? He didn't have aids, thank God, but that's the friend. I've known him every since John was a baby. In fact, I found a picture of him holding my Autumn.

It's so unbelievable! I've got so many questions for his mom, but I doubt that she even knows. He used to live in San Franciso but was visiting when he died in Palm Springs. It took five days for the authorities to find his mom. I don't understand it! He had friends in Palm Springs. Why did he die alone?

His mom told me they are planning a small family graveside service but my two boys that know he's passed want to go pay their respects. How do I tell her? Dang! I haven't even started to reel and my youngest is making demands of ME! I understand he's upset, but what can I do? It's not up to me! Neil refused to call him "John." He was always "Little Johnny" to Neil. John grew up to be bigger than Neil, but he was still "Little Johnny." (Sigh!) Somehow... life goes on.

I got my lone dove a partner today. I can still hear them flying and flapping around in the cage. I want to scream at them to "Stop! Neil is dead! Why aren't YOU??"




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>