Hun....I look exactly like my father....people say I'm a photocopy of his (though I'm a girl). And...my father molested me. Forcibly kissed me, fondled my privates and chest. To say that I'm reminded of him, everytime I look in the mirror is an understatement!

But somewhere down the line you need to realise that your exterior looks are just a very, very, very small part of you! There's a whole new level of you. Your thoughts, your actions, empathy for others, love for others, your inner beauty, your achievements, people who love you (even if they are not your parents), your tiny cute flaws, your education,, etc....all that makes you who you are. And that's something your mother would never, ever, ever be able to match up with.

I think emotionally, you need to detach away from your mother. Let her not define you in ANY way. If possible, move out and rediscover who you are. You are a person with your own thoughts and your mother NEEDS to realise it. If she can't...just stop expecting anything.....understand that you expecting your mother to understand your point of view is like asking blind to see colours.

Get some solid therapy, which can help you erase the wounds. Blame liberally your mother for all your flaws and all the love you didn't get. Once you are healed, also forgive your mother....perhaps her parents were like that. Flawed parents result in flawed parents. Maybe helping her with a catharsis of her bad parents MAY help you to a small extent.

Also, write a journal about all the times your mother hurt you. Sometimes, even if we may remember the incident, writing and reading it, brings a certain amount of closure to the incident. I think it's because memories and the reading/writing part and 2 different parts of brain.

Slowly, you would learn to dissociate you mother and embrace the true you. You are hurting inside girl...you need to heal that ....but you are only seeing the problem as skin deep!