I tried the meds, probably about 40 different ones in various combos for nearly a decade before I really.got serious about things. I kept hoping that there would be some combo, some med that would eventually help me out. But I didn't get that. I am super sensitive to medication whether it be tylonal or thorazine. It seemed like I got almost every bad side effect you could get.
For me the straw that broke the camels back was being placed in the psych unit for mania and psychosis that I had tried to squash with my dr for nearly 5 months at home. They kept me for almost two weeks, I was placed on three antipsychotics with two benzos, and an anticonvulsant plus lithium. I could barely walk or even talk. Now that was crazy and I don't believe that is the norm. You can probably imagine how zombified that would make a person.
I called off my long term relationship because I felt I had no feelings left. Not that I could feel a thing. It was sept and my kids were just heading back to school and there was just no way I felt I could be a mom doing what I need to in that state. Luckily he waited patiently for monthes for me to regain my bearings. I was having serious side effects physically, and I am still dealing with severe brain pains... don't know what else you call it. Just severe pain in my brain at random. That pain has been fizzeling out since I am not on meds, but I dunno that was just the point where I knew for myself somethings had to change.
Sorry giving you a big saga there.
It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and put alot of work into yourself, I think that is really awesome with meds or without!!! I think if you try to ride it out like Trippin did and if you can get youself on even ground you will likely do ok. And if not you know there is always more help available. It's always kind of interesting because Trippin and I both watched each other go through this here together, suported each other and to see how Trippin has managed is pretty amazing. It's pretty neat stuff forsure. The forum yhen was not quite as open to med free as it is now that is certain. It's really nice to see the changes here and know that you will be supported either way.
I was not sure I would be able to do it. I kept in mind that if it got bad that I could always go back to meds. I did not want that, but I tried to keep it in mind. Glad you have a plan and know your danger zone.
I am glad you are feeling hopeful, we all need that. And believe in yourself, your abilities and trust yourself. I think that is a biggie. With bipolar we kinda learn to not trust ourselves, and as we get healthier it can be hard to regain our own trust. And hard to acheive wellbeing if we don't.
I really wish you the best with this. I have struggled with an eating disorder in the past for many years and I know the weight gain is not easy and does not contribute to a sense of wellbeing. It's definatly not a sacrifice we can all make. I can understand that completely.
Keep us posted on how you are making out. And if you need to talk, I'm all ears Middlepath.