I'm feeling more than a little lost. To start off, I am Bipolar I (and a bunch of other things). Friday night I took an overdose. I was coherent enough after I did it to go to my brother-in-law and try to tell him what I did. I don't remember the exact reason I did it. I know there were angry feeling towards my fiance, a headache that wouldn't stop, and a maddening need to go to sleep. I don't remember taking them to kill myself but, I guess what other reason would someone do this

I spent the entire weekend in the ICU and just got out this morning. All the doctors said I wasn't suicidal and my body wasn't "damaged". My fiance and brother-in-law came and saw me twice while I was there, I only remember once, and he didn't give me any grief about picking me up when it was time to be released. On the last day I spent it apologizing to all the nurses and doctors I was mean to or was possibly mean to. I know bits and pieces and that I gave them hell.

I ended up getting some sleep next to him when we got home and we made a deal that for the time being, until this drinking phase is completely gone, he would hold onto my debit card and keys (I can still drive myself to work but that's it). I completely agreed with him on this because I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do after something like this. I want to go back to my family and be happy but what I did is constantly on my mind. Which pushes me further towards they deserve someone stronger and better than me.

I have an appointment with my Pdoc next monday and I know I will have to give her all the truth I remember and all the details to figure out where my treatment can go from here.

I guess my post is here for help on the recovery road. I feel like I am standing in quicksand, reaching for the branch that will help pull me to safety. I don't know where to start aside from going to my Pdoc.

Thanks for your time in reading this,
Xycin